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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25285417">Shut me out and lock the door</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessAnimal/pseuds/UselessAnimal'>UselessAnimal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Eurovision Song Contest RPF, Festival di Sanremo RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:54:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25285417</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/UselessAnimal/pseuds/UselessAnimal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Two jaded men meet each other when both need a new start and when it seems too late for that. The new beginning starts with sharing a house. What happens next? Who knows.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ermal Meta &amp; Fabrizio Moro, Ermal Meta/Fabrizio Moro</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Something old, something new. <br/>Idk, I guess I can't stay away from tropes, but we have all been there. Haven't we? </p>
<p>I hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fabrizio was 15 minutes late already and he was still 5 minutes away. He had managed to not be late to any of the previous interviews but this one, where he had specifically told the other person that they shouldn’t be late, he was late. He was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel while waiting by a red light. Would he have enough time to get back for 3pm meeting? Fuck, probably not. He looked at his watch again. Fuck, 16 minutes. The light finally graciously changed to green.</p>
<p>Turned out it was very hard to find a housemate that he actually liked enough. This was the 11<sup>th</sup> person he was meeting. Admittedly, that was probably because he didn’t want another person living in his house at all. But at the moment it wasn’t an option. His life was a mess and he could use all the money he could get.</p>
<p>And to be fair the house was too big for one person.</p>
<p> Which he was.</p>
<p>Now.</p>
<p>At least he got to choose the person who he would share a house with. That was what he was telling himself.</p>
<p>When he got there, the guy was standing on the sidewalk and looking at his phone. He was tall, lanky and with impressive curly hair. He was also looking annoyed. That was probably fair.</p>
<p>“Hello, sorry I am so late.” Fabrizio started when he got out of the car.</p>
<p>The guy just shrugged his shoulders, pocketing his phone. Ok then, not a great start.</p>
<p>“I’m Fabrizio” He said, extending his hand for a handshake. He was trying to be polite here, but the situation seemed more and more awkward.</p>
<p>“Ermal” the guy said, shaking his hand. His hand was cold. How could that be when it was the middle of the summer. Maybe not the sunniest of days, but still.</p>
<p>“Ok, let’s go inside, I will show you around.” He couldn’t stand this awkwardness anymore.</p>
<p>Fabrizio fiddled with his house keys, fingers refusing to work right under the heavy gaze of a stranger. He hated when people were looking at his hands when he was doing something.</p>
<p>He finally opened the door letting the guy – Ermal, enter.</p>
<p>The house wasn’t really that impressive. It was all a bit worn down, Fabrizio couldn’t say he was keeping it in the best shape now. Downstairs there was the open kitchen and living room zone and a closed office, which served as a mini studio. A creaky stair case was leading upstairs where there were three bedrooms.</p>
<p>He watched Ermal take it all in silently and let him wander around first with his eyes and then actually walking around the place. He watched his gaze slide around the room and settle on the pictures on the mantelpiece over the fireplace (it didn’t work) and stop on the people in the photos for a bit then continue their exploration. When he seemed to be done, Fabrizio took him upstairs and into the first room.</p>
<p>“And this would be your room.” He said, in a quiet tone. It seemed odd breaking the silence.</p>
<p>Fabrizio watched Ermal and the room, trying to imagine what it would look like from a stranger’s point of view. It was pretty bright, with the window facing the west side, maybe a bit worn down. Fabrizio didn’t get to fix it up that much before and now he didn’t see the point. There were still a couple of crayon marks – blue and red and pink lines - on the walls, but those were all around here. Fabrizio couldn’t touch those. He also couldn’t read what Ermal was thinking from his face.</p>
<p>“It’s nice.” The guy said, when he was done exploring. The eloquence. Jeez. Ok then. Some questions needed to be asked.</p>
<p>“So, do you have a job?” he had mentioned something before about a theatre maybe? All 11 people had blurred into a mess in Fabrizio’s head by now so he wasn’t sure.</p>
<p>“Yes, I will start the new season in Teatro Sistina.” He said, leaning on the windowsill, looking outside.</p>
<p>So it was a theatre. Ok, job, check. “So paying the rent won’t be an issue, right?”</p>
<p>“Of course not.” He seemed to be done exploring, turning back around from the window, facing Fabrizio, arms crossed. He still couldn’t understand shit rom his facial expression.</p>
<p>“I would assume your job schedule will be pretty tight for both weekdays and weekends?” he prodded further.</p>
<p>“Probably. I will be there for most of the day and evenings too.” That was the most words he had heard from the guy in one sentence.</p>
<p>“I am actually out of the house for the most part of the day too including Saturdays and probably some Sundays.” He got a shrug in response. Ok then. Subject change. “I smoke, I hope that’s not an issue for you.”</p>
<p>“No, I smoke too.” Back to tight lipped responses. One more check though.</p>
<p>“Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?” he really didn’t want to deal with another person in the house on top of this.</p>
<p>He got a “No” in response, a quite resounding one too. Ok. Check.</p>
<p>Everything else on his mental list seemed silly to ask, because Ermal didn’t seem to be willing to engage in an actual conversation. He couldn’t bring himself to ask about things like friends coming over or meals or whatever. He couldn’t imagine sharing the house with his guy. But to be fair he couldn’t imagine sharing it with those who were much more open and friendly too. Fabrizio could feel a headache coming on from all of this tension.</p>
<p>“So should I consider you as a possible candidate?” he asked as they were walking down the stairs and out.</p>
<p>“I like this place, and it is relatively close to my work, so yes.” Oh, so those had been the positive reactions. Good to know.</p>
<p>“Alright, I will let you know.” He had a lot to think about, as usual after these meetings.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” That was the warmest thing he had said throughout all of this meeting.</p>
<p>They shook hands again and said their goodbyes.</p>
<p>Fabrizio lit up a cigarette before starting the car and heading to work. He was tired of these meetings. He wished things would just work out by themselves for once. Sadly, that never happened for him and even in this he had to work hard. Even the cigarette couldn’t scratch the itch right now. Fuck it all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, how was your interview?” Claudio asked when Fabrizio got back to the office. That was a generous word for what it was.</p>
<p>He sat down on the visitor sofa rubbing his temples.</p>
<p>“Awkward. And super-fast so at least I got back in time to meet with the new band.” He even got time to sit here and drink some water.</p>
<p>“Bad?”</p>
<p>“The guy doesn’t seem like much of a talker.” Or not a talker at all.</p>
<p>“That’s not a bad thing, no?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean, I have to actually like the person I will share my house with!”</p>
<p>“Well, but maybe it is enough that he is not anything you don’t want?” Claudio said “Does he have a job?”</p>
<p>“Yes, he works in the theatre.”</p>
<p>“Oh? Well then he probably won’t be home a lot during the evenings. You might even not meet him that much.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t thought of it that way.” Huh, strange approach but maybe this way he could actually find someone tolerable enough.</p>
<p>“Does he look like an average human being? Not giving off a serial killer vibe? ”</p>
<p>Fabrizio couldn’t call anything about Ermal’s appearance average but he still chuckled at that “Does any serial killer give off a serial killer vibe?”</p>
<p>Claudio shrugged “I want to hope I have never met one. But I mean more like does he feel shady in any way?”</p>
<p>“No, I don’t think so” not that he got to talk a whole lot with this guy. But he seemed fine. Not really an open soul, but that was kind of understandable, so was Fabrizio.</p>
<p>“Fabri, knowing you and your character I doubt you will find someone you actually like. You take ages to warm up to someone. None of those people have a chance. So maybe lover your expectations a bit.”</p>
<p>Huh. True enough. That’s what he loved his friends for – a straightforward advice that made him see the issue differently. He would have to rethink the whole thing now.</p>
<p>“Maybe you are right, thanks Claudio.” he said thoughtfully.</p>
<p>Later, when Fabrizio was thinking about it all again, he was feeling rather unoptimistic. He was hit by a childish want to refuse to share the house with anyone. It was his house dammit, the thought of a stranger walking around here gave him shivers. </p>
<p>He sighed.</p>
<p>At least this guy wouldn’t bother him too much - he didn’t seem much interested in making friends. And also since both of their jobs seemed to be all-consuming, their paths probably wouldn’t cross that much, maybe Claudio was right. It made sense in a way – the guy he met today at least seemed serious and hopefully wouldn’t screw him over. He didn’t seem the type.</p>
<p>Fabrizio got the feeling that he could try 11 more people and then 11 more and still not find what he was looking for. Cause what he was looking for had left <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>Fine.</p>
<p>He picked up his phone and looked up the contact in the phone book. There it was: House Ermal Meta/Tuesd. 13:30.</p>
<p>He took a breath and pressed call button.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ermal is moving in.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Enjoy the new chapter!<br/>This will definitely be longer project than the last one timewise.<br/>Things tend to get busy...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After that call things escalated pretty quickly.</p>
<p>The guy was moving in on this rainy Friday.</p>
<p>On the Friday morning Fabrizio was standing in his kitchen, enjoying the last half a day of being the only one living in this house. He cursed himself for not enjoying the last week of being alone more thoroughly. But it seemed like the time flew out of this hands and now he was staring out of the window watching the rain droplets fall, hit the window and rush down.</p>
<p>The guy – Ermal, he really had to start calling him by his name – had arrived a couple of days ago to sign the lease and get his own set of keys. He was still acting the same as on the day of their first meeting – tight lipped and distant.</p>
<p>Fabrizio was trying hard to remember Claudio’s advice about how they would probably not even meet that much in the house. It wouldn’t change much anyways, not like Fabrizio was around that much too. And not like the house brought that much joy to his life, not now that… But still. It was nice to wind down in here and be alone for a bit. Now it would definitely be different. What with a stranger walking around in here, eating in his kitchen, sleeping in that room just a couple of meters away.</p>
<p>He tried really hard not to have a panic attack. That would be embarrassing and fun to explain. Got a panic attack over renting out a room to a person of his own choosing. No, that wouldn’t do.</p>
<p>He shook his head and left for work, he didn’t have time for worrying and heartaches this early in the morning. He had two meetings and a bunch of preparations for the latest album release to think about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Work kept him busy enough over the day. He managed to forget about the whole thing. Work always made him forget about everything. Maybe that was not the best of his qualities actually. But what he could do when so many things depended on him being there and him making decisions. He had to be there and be as involved as he could be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he came back home, he ran through the rain from the car to the door of the house, but then he noticed the light in the kitchen window and then the stranger’s car in the driveway. Oh right. Shit. He wavered on the porch for a second, suddenly anxious to enter his own house and face his new reality. A rain droplet landed on his forehead shaking him from the stupor. This was stupid, he had to go in anyways he couldn’t stand on the porch of his house all night like an idiot.</p>
<p>He turned the keys and opened the door and was met by an aroma of food cooking and sounds of a quiet conversation.</p>
<p>“Hello?” he said while taking off his shoes.</p>
<p>“Hi!” a voice that was clearly not his new housemate’s answered him. Then he saw a face peering into the corridor from the kitchen that also did not belong to Ermal. “I’m Marco, nice to meet you, Fabrizio, right?”</p>
<p>The Marco guy extended his hand for a handshake.</p>
<p>“Hello, yes.” Fabrizio said shaking his hand a bit confused.</p>
<p>“I’m here just helping Ermal move.”</p>
<p>“Oh, okay.” That made sense.</p>
<p>“We are also making dinner, there’s plenty for three people if you want to join us, I thought it would be nice to make something for you too but I obviously didn’t know when you were coming home and Ermal was no help there so. But you should definitely join us.”</p>
<p>That was a lot more words than Ermal had said all throughout them knowing each other. A strange kind of relief washed over Fabrizio. At least he wouldn’t have to deal with this first evening sharing the house with only Ermal.</p>
<p>“If you want to, of course. I hope it’s okay.” Marco added, while waiting for a response.</p>
<p>“Of course it’s okay.” Why wouldn’t it be, Ermal was now living here too. Also it would probably be rude to decline the invitation. And this Marco seemed much more inclined to make conversation than Ermal was, so maybe it wouldn’t be that awkward. “And thank you for inviting me, I would definitely like to join.”</p>
<p>“Great! It will be done in just a couple of minutes. We are making risotto. Of course if Ermal didn’t burn it while we are chatting here.”</p>
<p> Marco went back to the kitchen while Fabrizio went to the bathroom to wash his hands and brace himself. He splashed some water on his face trying to get himself ready for whatever would happen.</p>
<p>When he entered the kitchen, Ermal lifted his eyes to him.</p>
<p>“Good evening.” Ermal said, quietly, nodding his head to him.</p>
<p>“Hello.” Fabrizio answered, already familiar with the awkward stiffness of their conversations.</p>
<p>“Can I help with anything?” Fabrizio asked, still feeling like a guest in his own house.</p>
<p>“No, no, it’s all done, I’m just gonna plate this.” Marco answered.  </p>
<p>When they all sat down to eat, awkward silence settled in again.</p>
<p>“So bon appetit, I hope it tastes good.” Marco said, with a bit of a nervous laugh.</p>
<p>The food looked great to Fabrizio, he took a bite and it tasted good too. “It tastes great, thank you!”</p>
<p>“I’m glad, this is supposed to be a thank you dinner to thank you for taking in Ermal, wouldn’t be the good tone to make you bad food.”</p>
<p>That was a very sweet gesture actually. At least his friend seemed to be a very thoughtful person, so Ermal couldn’t be too bad, right? He looked at him, his head was bent downwards and eyes hidden behind the curls. Not that he would be able to read him even if Ermal was staring right at him.  </p>
<p>“Well thanks, that’s very nice of you.” At least he could make small talk with Marco, that could fill up this dining experience. “So did you find the road okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, it was fine, although rainy of course. Ermal has to choose to move the one day of the week when it rains, so it was definitely slower.” Marco jumped on the subject enthusiastically. “That’s why Ermal invited me to stay over tonight.”</p>
<p>“I hope that’s okay?” Ermal asked, finally lifting his gaze to meet Fabrizio’s .</p>
<p>“The day really passed rather quickly and we arrived later than we thought we would. Milan is pretty far after all and I don’t want to go back so late.” Marco jumped in.</p>
<p>“Of course it’s okay.” Again, Ermal was now living here, Fabrizio did expect him having friends and family and such. “So you are from Milan?”</p>
<p>Ermal just nodded, Marco looked at him and started talking again. “Yes, well at least that’s where he is moving from now anyways. Abandoning me and all of his other friends.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be so dramatic.” Ermal said rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“Right, that’s actually your job.” he nudged Ermal a bit and laughed. Ermal smiled back at him, but it didn’t seem to reach his eyes.</p>
<p>Fabrizio was rather grateful that there was Marco. At least the dinner and the evening itself passed more or less chatting about this and that, turned out Marco was also very much into music, had been in a band during his youth. Ermal was still his quiet self during the evening, although Marco tried to rope him into the conversations, Ermal answered in monosyllabic words or just shrugs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Fabrizio retired for his room for the night, the tiredness washed over him. The evening turned out not to be as bad as he expected. But now that he was alone in his room, the feeling of distress came back to him. The house still felt strange around him, knowledge that there were two other people in another room – strangers actually, gave him anxiety. Although tired, Fabrizio couldn’t fall asleep. It was strange, not knowing what was inside one of the rooms inside his own house.</p>
<p>Fabrizio had never been good with change. Ever. He hadn’t liked moving to Rome when he was little and changing schools, he hadn’t liked changing jobs, having to adjust to new people, and the same with his relationships, people had to be very patient to get through, to be let in - in his life or in his house.</p>
<p>This felt intrusive.</p>
<p>This felt wrong.</p>
<p>Fabrizio tossed and turned until he fell into fitful sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Fabrizio woke up the next day, there were no voices coming from anywhere in the house. When he finally braved coming out of his own room, the house was quiet and the other car was gone from the driveway.</p>
<p>He was making his morning coffee – the only one he was allowed during the day – and thought about what he had to do today. He wanted to escape the house, but he didn’t have any plans for this Saturday. He cursed the gods for not having a gig for this exact week, those were the best way to get your mind out of anything else, his focus solely on the group and the venue dealing with any issues that could come up all day (and night) long. Sadly, no such luck, work wouldn’t bail him out this time.</p>
<p>While he was standing there, with his coffee cup, he heard door opening and closing and footsteps coming down the stairs. It was nice, to have a bit of time to brace himself, before Ermal appeared in his view. Ermal didn’t have that privilege though and looked rather thrown off.</p>
<p>“Good morning” Fabrizio said.</p>
<p>“Morning.” He received back. For a moment it seemed like he would just go back upstairs, but then he walked further into the kitchen and put the electric kettle on.</p>
<p>“So Marco already left?”</p>
<p>“Yes, early in the morning.” Ermal said watching the kettle intently. Fabrizio could almost hear him praying for it to boil faster.</p>
<p>Fabrizio was left wishing Marco was the one left here and not Ermal, at least it wouldn’t be this intolerable awkwardness. He wondered, why he was still standing here, trying for something that was obviously never going to happen.</p>
<p>“All right, I am going to go.” Fabrizio said awkwardly, taking his (hot) cup of coffee and leaving Ermal alone in the kitchen, went up the stairs and into his bedroom.</p>
<p>He really hoped there wouldn’t be many days, where they would be both here, this was intolerable. Fabrizio regretted every decision that led him to this morning, this life and drinking coffee in his bedroom.</p>
<p>The new normal sucked.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for the kudos and comments!<br/>Highly appreciated!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things get worse before they get better.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I am so sorry for such a long break.<br/>Life is so haaard and I am ovewhelmed a bit rn.<br/>But I would still like to apologise about this almost hiatus.<br/>Embarassing honestly.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been some weeks already since Fabrizio shared his house with this weird, quiet man.</p><p>That would be the answer if Fabrizio wasn’t counting.</p><p>He actually was.</p><p>So it was 23 days.</p><p>And once again he was driving his car towards home after a workday too short for his liking.</p><p>He spent all of his evenings this way now – first hoping that there would be more work to do than there was at the office, then hoping the traffic would be worse than usual, then that there would be no lights on in the house.</p><p>No deities answered his prayers though and usually all of that was untrue.</p><p>Walking into the house he hoped that at least Ermal would be in his own room, not somewhere in the house where Fabrizio would meet him.</p><p>That was usually granted.</p><p>This time also the house was quiet, but he could feel the presence of someone there. He took off his coat and his shoes, still not used to seeing pairs that didn’t belong to him there.</p><p>And it wasn’t like he didn’t try to adjust. Contrary to whatever Claudio was saying, he did try his hardest to just… accept the situation as it was.</p><p>But it wasn’t as easy when the other person didn’t even try to help him out. Even a little bit.</p><p>Although it went against his nature he had tried to initiate conversations, once, memorably, he even asked Ermal to join him for dinner. But the guy always went away the second it was possible.</p><p>And that dinner… god Fabrizio tried to repress that memory deep down.</p><p>God knows what possessed him to ask Ermal to join him. Probably he was a bit inspired by that first evening when Ermal’s friend had actually surprised him with the nice meal and conversation.</p><p>But this time… jeez.</p><p>Without Marco’s mediation it was a mess. Fabrizio wondered why Ermal even had agreed to it. They had made a bit of small talk about the weather and whatever and then it had just turned awkward and quiet.</p><p>Fabrizio shuddered at the memory.</p><p>Never. Again.</p><p>So the new strategy was to just avoid. Ignore and forget that he even had a housemate.</p><p>It was harder to actually practice it in real life than it was to visualize this new concept in his head though.</p><p>The house wasn’t only his, he was reminded of that the moment he came back – with the shoes in the hallway, the mugs on the drying rack, the different coffee in his cupboard. It was always the little things.</p><p> And it all threw him off.</p><p>“I can’t, Claudio.” Fabrizio sighed, when Claudio asked him why wasn’t he going home yet when it was 7 pm already. “I think you were wrong about the whole <em>‘you don’t have to like your roommate’ </em>thing. Or at least about my situation. This sucks.”</p><p>“I think I just underappreciated how non-social you are.”</p><p>“I’m not social?! I tried my best! Every time I try and every time I’m the idiot.” He didn’t even have the energy to fight this though. He would take any advice at this point.  </p><p>Sadly it didn’t look like Claudio had any.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He just said.</p><p>“It’s not your fault, Claudio. I just… I feel like shit right now.”</p><p>“Listen, just don’t take it personally. Maybe the guy just… I don’t know, isn’t that chatty or whatever.”</p><p>Yeah he really, really wasn’t.</p><p>But Fabrizio didn’t need him to be his friend. He just needed some civility between them. So that he would stop feeling like he had to tiptoe around his own house and run away to his bedroom the moment he heard a door open somewhere.</p><p>Claudio clapped him on the shoulder and added “How long is the lease for?”</p><p>“A year” Fabrizio said, miserably, getting up. Although he had seriously contemplated sleeping on the visitors couch in the office, this was ridiculous. He had to go home. Maybe this time he would get lucky.</p><p>But when he got there, of course the damned light in the upper left window of the house was on.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Fabrizio woke up to some weird sounds coming from the… yeah where were they coming from actually?</p><p>He got out of the bed, tiptoed across the room and cautiously opened the door. The sound came clearer now – it was breathing, heavy breathing and for a second Fabrizio actually thought that maybe this … but no, this sounded panicked and like someone was struggling to take a breath. Definitely didn’t sound pleasant. So no it wasn’t that. It sounded like a panic attack or maybe breathing issues? Oh god, did the guy have some illness? Was he dying?  </p><p>Fabrizio had to do something.</p><p>He waited for a heartbeat but the sound didn’t stop and too scared of the guy dying in there, he knocked on the door.</p><p>“Ermal?” he asked to announce his presence even more. “Are you ok?”</p><p>The sound stopped, but not like it had actually stopped, but as if Ermal was trying to suppress it.</p><p>“Yes, yeah I’m fine.” Came from the other side of the door, but it sounded too meek to be reassuring.</p><p>“Can you please open the door?” he might as well shoot his shot, nothing to lose and all that. He needed to see him to make sure everything was fine.</p><p>There was a bit of quiet and then he heard shuffling footsteps.</p><p>When he opened the door, Fabrizio saw that Ermal most definitely wasn’t ok. He looked pale, grey almost. His eyes were red and hair disheveled. He was in a t-shirt and pajama pants with his feet bare. He looked so pitiful; Fabrizio’s first instinct was to hug. But obviously he squashed that one.</p><p>“So it doesn’t look like you are ok.” Fabrizio said, rather foolishly stating the obvious. But to be fair he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t think he would get this far at all.</p><p>Aah the usual silence answering him.</p><p>“What’s wrong? Can I help somehow?” he tried once more.</p><p>Ermal looked like he was contemplating the offer.</p><p>“Hey, I know we are not friends or anything, but I can listen.” Fabrizio continued, hoping that maybe…</p><p>“I don’t know… this is all so embarrassing.” Finally an answer. The guy really looked embarrassed. He obviously hadn’t wanted anyone to hear him having a panic attack. But Fabrizio was a light sleeper. So here they were.</p><p>“What if I promise to forget it all the moment I step out of this door?” Fabrizio offered.</p><p>“I don’t think memory works that way.” Ermal said and… was that a bit of a smile? It was hard to say in the dim light.</p><p>“Hey I know that out of both of us you are the actor, but I can act as if I forgot.” There definitely was a small smile on his lips right now. “So can I come in?”</p><p>The moment the words left his mouth he thought that maybe that was too forward and he had ruined whatever magic that was happening here, but Ermal just turned around and walked inside. Fabrizio followed.</p><p>The room was dimly lit by a lamp on the bedside table and the window was completely open. It was so cold in here. Fabrizio knew that tactic very well. Feeling cold so that you wouldn’t feel anything else.</p><p>“Can I close the window? You will turn into an icicle during the night otherwise.”</p><p>Ermal just nodded sitting down on the bed and putting his hands in his lap.</p><p>Fabrizio walked towards the window taking in the room a bit. It was the first time he was in here since Ermal moved in. Nothing extraordinary – a bed, a table, a bedside drawer. Lots of papers all around that looked like printed screenplays and some that were written on by a pen and in handwriting. He noted a guitar in the corner too.</p><p>“I hate it here. I knew I was going to hate it here.” Ermal said in a quiet voice.</p><p>Fabrizio froze in the middle of closing the window. “Here as in…?”</p><p>“Rome.”</p><p>Ok, that was a start. </p><p>“Is there a particular reason why or…?” He finished with the window, closed the curtains too and sat down on the chair by the desk.</p><p>“I am completely alone here and it sucks. I am alone and I have to build my life anew. In a different city where I don’t have anyone.” He sighed shakily. Fabrizio again had to fight the instinct to go and hug him, or squeeze his hand or do something at least.</p><p>“And it all is going to shit so fast.” Ermal continued, squeezing his hands together, shivering. It was as if his body had recognized that it was cold now.  “I am scared I fucked everything up even before anything had the chance to start.”</p><p>Fabrizio knew that feeling very well too. His gaze was softly sliding over the room again so as not to focus on the distraught person in front of him and give him at least a bit of privacy.</p><p>The papers that were written on by hand were in lines and had lots of words crossed out. Poetry, maybe? He took his eyes off of them; he didn’t want to intrude on that too.</p><p>“Why did you move?” Fabrizio asked and added “You don’t have to answer if that is too private.”</p><p>“The offer to come and work for Teatro Sistina came so unexpectedly” Ermal answered without preamble. “I just sent a resume and didn’t think about it ever again. But then they actually were interested. And you don’t turn down an offer like that, do you? Everyone would say I am insane to turn it down.”</p><p>He was shivering so hard, Fabrizio had to do something. He just went up to him and put the blanket around his shoulders. It felt stupid to go back to sit down on the chair so he just sat down next to Ermal, looking at the floor in front of him. “Bit did you want to come and work for them?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I always thought I will have time to think about it after I send in the resume, then after the phone interview, then after actually coming to Rome and seeing the theatre. But before I could blink I had already signed the papers and was actually moving here.”</p><p>Fabrizio got that too. Sometimes life just passes you buy in the most intense of ways.</p><p>Ermal squeezed the blanket around himself. “And now I hate it.”</p><p>“Is the job going badly?”</p><p>Ermal shrugged and put his head in his hands. “I just keep missing my old crew, my friends and I didn’t really give the new theatre crew the fair chance. And now they all avoid me as much as possible.”</p><p>Fabrizio couldn’t imagine how lonely it must’ve been for the poor guy – spending all of this time essentially alone.</p><p>“Just as you have started to avoid me in here too” Ermal added quietly. </p><p>Fabrizio looked up at him, Ermal had his eyes closed. And now Fabrizio felt like a complete asshole. “I’m sorry, I…”</p><p>“No, don’t be, I brought it on myself. I don’t blame any of them and I don’t blame you too.”</p><p>“I’m sorry that Rome isn’t kind to you.” Fabrizio said, not knowing how to answer that.</p><p>“I’m sorry I am such an asshole of a roommate.” Ermal said.</p><p> </p><p>Fabrizio left Ermal’s room a bit after that. Ermal had calmed down, stopped shivering and the room was within livable degrees of warmth. It seemed like he would be able to sleep. They wished each other good night and it wasn’t until Fabrizio was in his own bed did he notice that he himself was shivering.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Next work day passed quickly, too quickly as usual.</p><p>This time Fabrizio was dreading the way home a bit less but at the same time a bit more too. Now that he saw what could be, he couldn’t imagine going back to the way things were before.</p><p>Maybe he really was the idiot. Fabrizio had never considered Ermal’s side of the story. Never thought to actually consider why he was the way he was. Never considered that just as Fabrizio himself was stuck, so was Ermal. And contrary to Fabrizio, he didn’t have a place to escape to.</p><p>He suddenly felt hope swell in his chest when he came home to a light in the upper left window of the house.</p><p>Maybe they both didn’t have to be so miserable.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As always I am really grateful for kudos and comments!<br/>Hope you liked the chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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